Tomorrow I go for another scan. I feel like I am in a bubble, a vacuum waiting, my life paused. I think the cancer is back. I am in so much discomfort and can’t even find a comfortable position to sit or stand. I know I will be seeing the senior doctor so it isn’t good. Something has been changing over the last few months; I know intuitively it is serious. Everything is again on hold. I just have to get through tomorrow.
The boys are coming along, as well as Bob. This is all part of their journey too. I am so glad that they will be there, although I would never ask them. Whenever I have had a result from Christies, they have been there with me. It is such a support. Bob is so calm about everything; he just takes it all in his stride. It is good that he doesn’t allow me the space to get heavy and down. He is so good to live with – that was a good decision! His calmness rubs off on me. He’s such a great support. We are such different characters that it works well. He doesn’t dwell on things, just takes everything a day at a time. It is a good lesson for me to plan and make my diary and focus day by day. He gives me so much energy and I admire him so much for his resilience.
Focusing on my day-to-day living helps keep my stress at bay by giving me a good routine and a plan to work to. Living with Bob has given me a safe place to be. I know now how important it is to have the right people around you on your journey – no negativity, no compromising yourself. I am so comfortable and no longer have the worries I had after the divorce. Instead, I have been able to relax and to focus on my health. He is wonderful and doesn’t make decisions for me, so I still feel in control. He respects my judgement and I am proud that at last I am my own person. I’m sure I was meant to meet him! The best thing we do is laugh so much together. It is so good for me.