September 2016 – January 2017
I have always shied away from public notice, so it is hard for me to keep up with my story. I wait for Helen to come and sit with me and she then writes whilst I talk. I feel there are so many people worse off than me and I’m almost feel embarrassed to talk about myself. I don’t want to make a big thing of it. I have no confidence in the fact that my story can be inspiring.
Back in June 2016, I knew the cancer had come back before I had the scan. I was just not myself. I felt so weak and needed to sit down all the time. But the scan showed nothing had changed. By August the scan at Christies had shown up the cancer. It was active again. I had known what the results would be.
From September 2016, I never went back to work. The first round of chemo hit me so hard, the worst one ever. But the doctors didn’t realise that I had a lung infection at the same time. I was so ill and my breathing was badly affected. The nurse came to the house every day as my blood counts were so poor and inconsistent. I had to have injections to help my bone marrow produce more white blood cells. I didn’t always manage to get the chemos so the course of treatment dragged on longer than it should have done. Sometimes the injections worked and sometimes they didn’t.
September 2016 to January 2017 was a difficult time for me. I didn’t get chance to write my story. I was completely exhausted. By the start of the year, though, I was feeling more like my old self again. I had decided to put my house on the market before Christmas and it sold within three weeks. I need to be able to support Nadia to continue her studies due to her change in circumstances so the decision I had struggled with became easy. The house was too expensive to keep on and I was too ill to cope with renting it out and looking after it. Cancer had made the decision for me and moved me forward again! I had learned to trust my feelings now and my decision was so clear. I needed the cash now to help out the kids and I was so happy living with Bob. It felt like things were meant to be. It was therapeutic to clear out my old home and it was good going through the memories of all the good times I had there, especially setting up the house with Tim’s help. It was such a good home to us, and represented a new chapter in my life at the time and my independence.