I have started going as a day patient to St Luke’s Hospice. It’s a good and bad experience for me. The people are amazing, the nurses and alternative therapists. The service they offer is fantastic. I’ve had massages, reflexology, reiki and counselling. I’ve also had practical help from their benefits advisor and social worker, who have helped with advice and form filling. Every time I go, my nurse goes through any changes that have happened, looks at my needs and updates my case. The downside is that no one really wants to be there. Everyone is ill, of course, and most are a lot older than me. I still feel like I don’t belong there. I can’t believe I’m in that place.
I’m still not wanting to accept that there is anything wrong with me. That’s what stops me going out much. It would be an admission of my illness to be seen in the school playground, even though they all know. It’s not about what other people think; it’s about me admitting it to myself.
“I just want to be a mum for my kids” – that sums everything up for me.