I think many of my friends and family would probably have (smilingly) described me over the years as a ‘together’ sort of person, organised, someone who knew their own mind and what they wanted to do.
Like most of us, I had had to deal with the ups and downs of life, sadness and happiness, but somehow always got myself through the difficult times, came out the other side and carried on, pretty happy in my life. But to be told two years ago that I had extensive secondary breast cancer, and hear the words ‘knife edge’ and ‘critical’… I was at a complete loss. By that, I mean I didn’t actually know how to walk out of the hospital, tell my family and friends, take the next breath or, more immediately, survive the emotional pain that engulfed my partner and me. My words were, “I don’t know what to do.”
Of course, the human body and mind are amazing things and as the minutes, hours and days go by you do begin to cope, life goes on. Thankfully, it continues.
I always remember hearing Kate McCann, when asked about the terrible loss in their life and how they were managing to carry on, say that it would be impossible to continue at the level of emotional torment and pain that you are initially in – you would just break; and they were right. Some sense of survival kicks in and you carry on.